Hi bitches. Welcome to our new refreshed, refurbished, cluster fuck of a website. If we haven’t met before – I am Jackie Schimmel Haas host of podcast “The Bitch Bible”. Disclaimer: if you are easily offended, morally inflexible and aren’t down with casual but well intentioned beastiality then you should probably go follow some bitch…
Hot, but homeless.
So I rarely touch on the Bachelor franchise these days because truthfully it has become way too PC for my liking, however this season of Paradise has some serious sex appeal. I mean they literally had to get the word “stagecoach” okayed with the CONCERT COMMITTEE (made that title up) because too many Bachelor contestants…
Tijuana Mule
If you’re drinking a mule you better have the appropriate glassware… 2 oversized ice cubes (they are just better) Pour in 2.5 shots of Tequila (or more if you’re feelin yourself) Top off with Ginger Beer Throw in a few sliced Jalapenos (seeds in). Squeeze in some Lime Juice Finish it off with a Tajin…
HOW TO: JACKIE PALOOZA
It’s important to concoct your party to the cunt you are. Stay away from Pinterest, please. If you want your guests to wear pajamas, enforce a dress code. If you want to watch a Vintage Real Housewife of New York marathon instead of gyrating at a club, find a screening room. If you want your…
Guest Review: Jackie, that’s me.
Ep: Held Hough-Stage Jackie: She’s one of my all-time favorite guests with some serious range. On this episode I dissect the outfits, substance choices, and age of Lollapalooza attendees and why it discouraged me from procreating. I also dive into Julianne Hough’s need for a dimmer, Gigi Hadid dating a Bachelor alum (bummer bama Hannah),…
Guest Review: Barbara Kavovit
EP: Housewives Under Construction with Barbara Kavovit Barbara: Apple-less cast member of the Real Housewives of New York, a Countess Confidant, and Author of Heels of Steel. On this episode Barbara and I put our fucking hard hats on and hammer this season out. We talk about how she is happy without her apple, the…