Putting aside the fact that it’s creepy and weird that we encourage children to take candy from strangers when we forbid it the other 364 days a year, I thought I’d do the Lord’s work and offer some helpful and necessary guidance for Halloween costumes this year. Think of it as a holiday gift-guide a la Gwyneth Paltrow.
Costumes to Avoid:
- Any kind of Rodent
- Items of Food you can buy from Target
- Ie: Pizza, Donut, Ketchup
- Couple costumes
- Ie: Salt & Pepper bottles, PB & Fucking J, Corella Devill & a Dog, Sandy & Danny from Grease, Adam & Eve, Harley Quinn and The Joker, and a Hunter @ Deer (peta where you at bro)?
- Graphic Tees that say “Here for the Boos” “Cheers Witches” or “I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that WITCH” Permission to bury me alive.
Costumes with a Bitch-Stamp of Approval:
- Jared Leto’s Met Gala Look
- Lisa Rinna
- Erika Jayne
- Billie Eilish
- Britney Spears Circa 2007
- Lindsay Lohan in Mykonos or dancing outside of her uber in a metallic pink pant suit.