It’s important to concoct your party to the cunt you are. Stay away from Pinterest, please. If you want your guests to wear pajamas, enforce a dress code. If you want to watch a Vintage Real Housewife of New York marathon instead of gyrating at a club, find a screening room. If you want your friends to wear facemasks over fake eyelashes, provide the masks. If you want booze, buy booze. That’s what I did. And it was objectively fantastic.
See some images below of how I pulled this birthday of dreams off.
- THEMED WINE BOTTLE LABELS = BDE
2. ENFORCE A COMFORTABLE DRESS CODE. (don’t be like that dumb bride who forced a color-coordinated wardrobe based on her guests’ weight for her wedding…)
3. PROVIDE YOUR GUESTS WITH EXPENSIVE WATER AND EYE MASKS TO MAKE UP FOR FORCING THEM TO WATCH A REAL HOUSEWIFE MARATHON. Photos of your dog dressed as a king are always respected.
4. PROVIDE INFORMATIONAL PAMPHLETS FOR THE HOUSEWIFE ILL-INFORMED.
5. GET A BIRTHDAY CAKE THAT SCREAMS “I’M THE WORST AND I KNOW IT!”
6. ENJOY YOUR FUCKING SELF.