Instead of a typical review on an episode you have already seen or are going to see, I took my favorite quotes from this episode (which had a total of 12 minutes of dialogue) and put them into an episode summary, in the casts’ own words. The slow motion glamour transitions feel both highly unnecessary, nostalgic but also get my metaphorical dick hard (too much?). Not gonna lie, I love the pomp and circumstance of it all. But hey, the rest is still unwritten.
“Yo bro what’s up, I’m back in La.” “My party friend is back.” Since I last saw you “my dad became a woman.” Damn that’s crazy, but “I would love to be famous again” and “I love this city, but sometimes it doesn’t love me.” Just remember “you are amazing, do not forget what a catch you are.” I know but like “we haven’t had a relationship in a really long time.” “Shut the F up” “you sound like what I call a little bitch.” Ya well “I have to know what it’s like sleeping in your car?” “Am I ever gonna hear the end of this?” No because “I do everything to be as American as I can” and like “there is absolutely nothing wrong with my life” except you. I told you “your curfew is still midnight” ya and “I came home to a psychopath.” Listen “I don’t hold grudges. Jk!” “Why don’t we just be enemies.” “We might do things to hurt each other, but we really do care about each other.” And never forget, “here in The Hills pretty matters.”
Remember when I pitched the most incredible post-The OC porn spinoff for Mischa Barton titled “Marissa Cooper Gets It in the Pooper”? Is Justin Bobby the pirate that Luann banged in St. Barth’s? Where is Audrina Patridge’s Dina Lohan adjacent mother?