It was a sunny May morning, birds were chirping, sun was shining and I was headed to the courthouse. I had racked up a serious ticket with multiple offenses (speeding, driving with expired registration, driving with expired license) and had an even more serious fine to pay. After saving up some money and slowly embezzling my parents, it was time to pay up.
I decided I would make a pit stop at Neiman’s so I could freshen up beforehand. I pretended to be in the market for a new eyeshadow so I could get the Stila counter girls to do my makeup for free (we’ve all done it). After I was looking pretty fucking judicial I said I was going to go “find my mom to pay” and headed to the shoe department. Cut to- me walking out of Neimans with new pair of shoes and all my saved money gone.
I was assured that I had found a loophole in the law (delusional) and would never hear of my ticket again. Sure, I got a few letters in the mail but I figured if I didnt open them I couldnt be held accountable for what was inside (Learned this from Taylor Armstrong… Too soon?)
It wasn’t until I got a call from my haute mess sister that I knew I was totally fucked. “JACKIE, THE COPS ARE HERE WITH A PICTURE OF YOU. THERE IS A $10,000 WARRANT OUT FOR YOUR ARREST. YOU MISSED 2 COURT APPEARANCES. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Oops. My mother then sent me a text saying “Don’t worry babe, at least you look cute in orange xo”
The next day I had to get my ass to court.I figured half the battle was appearing distressed and emotionally frail so I wore some weird ass cardigan sweater and worked a dead on Casey Anthony bun (nailed it)
The look worked and no jail time was served. I ultimately had to pay double what I would have paid if I hadn’t bought those fucking shoes.
Haute Mess Lesson: Shoes=$ Street Cred= Priceless