Buzzkill Bitch

Well hello friends, I’m baaaaacck. I have been living under a dark cloud since I touched down in the United States. I miss the bread, I miss the cheese, I miss the accents. We just had the most amazing time. My flight home could not have been more of a jolt back to reality. Firstly, they served CHICKEN-FUCKING-CURRY for dinner. Is that a joke? It’s one thing flying 11 hours in an economy seat, it’s next level flying 11 hours in an economy seat while you are wafting in the scent of AIRPLANE CURRY for 11 hours while the person next to you is drooling on your shoulder. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. On top of all that… the 94 year old woman sitting in front of me decided to have a heart attack mid-flight. Settle down, she lived. This woman really had some nerve. You’re 94 years old, you couldn’t have sprung for Business Class? What are you saving up for? Spring break in Cancun? Rims for yo whip? YOLO girl. The worst part about her wee health scare is that they had to keep the aisles clear which meant NO BEVERAGE/SNACK SERVICE. The flight attendants found a passenger that was a doctor to come and assist Gertrude (her real name) He advised she needed to lay as flat as possible so the attendants adjusted her seat so Gertrude’s head was basically in my lap… super. I had a front row seat to what I thought would be Gertie’s last hoorah. And through all of this commotion… I couldn’t even order a drink. Fuckin Gertie. Anyways, the bitch lived and made the whole plane go sober for the entire flight. I think she faked a heart attack to try and meet a nice doctor. Or to get upgraded to first class. She may be on to something…

Gertie

What an attention whore.

I have finally recovered from my post-trip depression and flight trauma and will be back in business! Thank you for continuing to read while I was away. LOTS of new stuff coming xoxo

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