Haute Mess Help

Happy Tuesday haute messes. I haven’t been able to write for past couple of days because of the 48 hour headache I have been suffering through. With summer here and temperatures rising, I thought it would be a brilliant idea (not) to put 3 lbs of extensions in my hair. Somebody (this girl) has been following Beyonce on Instagram… I wanted that weave and I got it. The only downside is the initial headache but hey, no pain no mane (I am copyrighting that) I received some emails over the weekend asking about shorties, sequin advice and boyfriend problems. Thank you for all your emails, I love them. The good, the bad and the offended 🙂 Here we go!

“There is a cute guy.. but he’s an inch shorter then me. do i still go for it?” 

 I personally don’t care much about height. The only issue with height is that the guy may suffer from “little man syndrome” (google Joe Giudice). If they don’t let you wear heels, I’d say that is a no go. But other than that 1 inch aint no thang. Go for it.

“Hello. I’m one of your elderly readers! I love hearing your stories, they make me wish I was a young chick again LOL. I may be old but ive still got it goin on LOL does this make me a haute mess? I love all your sparkly clothes. Am I too old to do that anymore LOL??”

Oh my god. I love you. Whoever you are and wherever you are please come to me. I want to go on a sketchy bar crawl with you and drink weird umbrella drinks, while wearing sequined visors and take you to Chico’s and buy you whatever you want. Never too young or old for sequins. Work it girl.

“Hello my friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her. Me and my boyfriend saw him out with another girl and he told my boyfriend he was. I found out and don’t know if I should tell her or stay out of it.” (This email was from Japan so I had to do a bit of translating… #goingglobal)

That’s a really tough situation. I am very non confrontational so it is hard to say what to do. I would go to her boyfriend and tell him he needs to tell her or you will. Give him the opportunity to do the right and if he is a scumbag and doesn’t tell her, do it. I could never watch one of my friends be made a fool especially if he is boasting about it. What a loser.

“I just got dumped. I have been reading your blog and it makes me laugh but most of the days I spend crying. I didn’t see it coming and know we should be together, he still calls me everyday and says he misses me. I am so confused”

I have been there, and it really sucks. Firstly, don’t take his calls. If he dumped you he shouldn’t get the luxury of communication. You are allowed a small period of time to cry and watch sad movies and binge on junk food. Just keep that on the D-L then pick yourself up and keep busy. Let him think you are fine and happy, that will immediately make him question his decision and wonder if he made a mistake. “Why isn’t she upset? Did she secretly want to break up? Is she seeing someone else? Is he better looking than me? ” That’s what we are going for. I know it takes awhile but distraction is key. Letting him know how upset you are strokes his ego and makes him feel like he can have you back if he chooses to later on. That is no bueno. Trust me… they always come back. It may be a month, it may be a year but being the dumper always means you end up wondering if you made a the wrong move. That dumper doubt is your independent win. And when that moment comes, it is in your best interest to look fresh, happy and emotionally stable- not lying on the floor in your pajamas with scattered tissues and black tears a la Lauren Conrad. Go out a buy yourself a hot new outfit and pretend he is dead . As my grandmother says, “Let em bust baby”

Send more! beahautemess@gmail.com or if you prefer anonymity leave your question as a comment

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4 thoughts on “Haute Mess Help

  1. Carole Starr says:

    Dear Ann Haute Mess Landers Great advice, as to the last readers question. To the girl who got dumped. This grand mother says “FUCK HIM BABY”.

    Of course

    Carole Sent from my iPad

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