Everyone and their gay uncle knows my 5 year plan to be on the cast of The Real Housewives. Not to be choosy, I’m OBVI willing to relocate, but I feel like I would be a solid fit with the Orange County, New Jersey or Miami gals. Too poor for Beverly Hills, too white for Atlanta (although I would definitely fit in with my weave), and hate Aviva Drescher too much for New York. But hey, let’s be real I’d take whichever. Beyond the bankruptcies, drink throwing, family estranging, song recording debauchery that IS the real housewives franchise, another aspect of the show always fascinates me… the outfits. Gretchen Rossi, I mean this lovingly, but WHAT THE FUCK are you wearing? Get with the program Gretch, some of your wardrobe literally offends me. You live in Southern California cool it with the rainbow colored trench coats. Melissa Gorga, you are not J.LO. Repeat after me, you are not J.LO – good job! Ramona Singer oy, that woman lives for a satin shift dress, preferably in purple or royal blue – honey, go have a bottle of Pinot and brainstorm your next go to. Kyle Richards the printed tunic, bandage skirt, gold hoop earring, middle parted hair chapter needs to come to a close. And Tamra.. just stop shopping at Bebe. It’s time.
I could (and will) go on and on. In honor of all these women that I spend so much time with, I felt it only appropriate to honor all the wives personal “style” redo. Let’s dissect the fundamentals of our favorite housewives style and I will choose pieces from my own closet to pay homage to these Haute Mess Housewives and show modified outfits that these ladies inspired. You’re up first Mrs.Dubrow! (will post tomorrow Heather Dubrow exposé tomorrow… trying to create suspense over here)