My Anxiety Triggers

  • Carnations– Two words. Filler flower.
  • Tankinis– I’m just confused by them. I live my life by going big or going home, the tankini seems very non committal to me. Are you a one piece or a bikini? Pick a style.
  • Crying in Public– I know I may seem like a she-devil based on the tone of most of my posts but I really am all bark and no bite. I cry at fucking Sylvan commercials, however, I would be caught dead before crying in public. Maybe I have some issues (duh) but public displays of sadness make me so fermisht. Do I offer emotional support? Do I pretend to not hear the tears from the neighboring bathroom stall? Should I slide a Xanax under the bathroom divider? It tests my compassion limits and that makes me…uncomfortable.
  • Music Festivals– I so desperately want to be the girl at Coachella wearing a crop top and floral headpiece, camping in a tent, popping Molly (do you pop Molly? I don’t know) and crowd surfing all while posting massive pics on Instagram with the Nashville filter… but I just don’t think it is my deal.  All those people, all the commotion, for me it just screams anxiety. The mere thought of EDC makes me want to schedule an appointment with my hypnosis therapist. I could never pull off a bra/tutu ensemble and edible jewelry anyways. Whenever I see pics it always looks like so much fun and I am working on overcoming my complexes with the festival scene. Baby steps… #socialanxiety
  • Acrylic Nails – No explanation necessary.
  • Miracle Whip – Is it mayo? Is it butter? Is it frosting? Is it whipped cream? WHAT IS IT?
  • “How I Met Your Mother”- This show is one of the highest rated shows on television and stars Neil Patrick Harris who I am pretty obsessed with. If I was famous I imagine I would vacation with him and his husband in Lake Como, drink Rose and spend Thanksgiving together…moving on. I have watched it and pushed out a few fake laughs. I don’t get the concept and am too embarrassed to ask any of my superfan friends.
  • Kristen Stewart – Oy. When I watch her in interviews I literally find myself holding my breath because I am so nervous for her. Between the twitching, slumping and completely awkward disposition I get so uncomfortable. Every time she answers a question in a complete sentence I let out a deep breath. Girl, cut the “I’m too indie” for press shit. You were in TWILIGHT. Brush your hair, slap on a smile and act like you are grateful. No one forced you to be a movie star, if you hate it so much “but love the craft” go do community theater in some red state.
  • “We Can’t Stop” Music Video (or just Miley Cyrus in general) – First there was the haircut, then the twerking video, then the image re-haul, then this fucking music video. I am not mad at it, i’m not happy with it. Just…uncomfortable.
  • Sponges – I have always felt that sponges hurt more than they help. They seem ironic to me. They are used as a cleaning tool but absorb all the bacteria from whatever they touch? Think about it…

2 thoughts on “My Anxiety Triggers

  1. Mimi says:

    Loved this last blog. I couldn’t agree more on all of the above. Except I have gell nails. Does that count? I have the worst nails ever, split, chip horrible, I feel so 1980. Oh well I keep them short and natural. Oh yes I ditched my white jeans, Good God I have made a “fashion fool” of myself.

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