Break Up Guide

Having your heart broken is the worst feeling in the world. Imagine someone punching you in the ovary at 3 minute intervals while stabbing you in the heart AND taking an emotional dump on your face at the same time while playing Sinead O’Connor “Nothing Compares To You” as you hysterically cry in your pajamas. That is what being dumped feels like. How will I ever feel better? Will we be able to be friends? What if they start seeing someone else? Have they already met someone else? Are they as devastated as I am? Will I find a hott rebound? What is wrong with me? All these questions running through our brains only to leave us feeling insecure, weak, pathetic and desperately wanting a stiff drink. You love them, you hate them, you miss them, you want to hire a hitman… so confusing. When I was dumped, I laid in the fetal position for about 4 days while watching back to back Sex and The City episodes and didn’t tell a soul. I didn’t eat, didn’t sleep and didn’t speak. One perk of a break up is that is amazing for your figure. It’s called an involuntary diet plan – kind of like tape worm or a stomach virus #glasshalffull. I was embarrassed and felt too vulnerable to explain what happened to anybody. It was horrible going through it alone and being plagued by my own psychoanalysis of what the fuck happened. After 4 days of hibernation I finally told my best friends and parents. I am no Meryl Streep and couldn’t keep the chipper charade going on for much longer. To anyone outside of my circle I pretended everything was super and that it was totally mutual! Definitely not the case, but hey, girl had to save face! I was only 18 and looking back I can’t believe I was that heartbroken from a high school relationship. As we get older relationships are naturally more serious and complex, thus making break ups 85,000 times more difficult. Surely there is no finite way to deal with a break up but there are definitely things to ease the pain. I wish I got my head out of my own ass when I was younger and called my best friends. Being alone during a break up is the worst solution. Surround yourself with your best friends. People that will make you drinks, point out your ex’s flaws, make you laugh and distract you! Distraction is key. One of my best friends went through a break up and we spent all day talking (even LAUGHING) having cocktails, eating cheese and cookie dough and reminding her how (truly) fucking fabulous she is. brid

It’s hard to understand how someone you love so much could make you feel so shitty and that is what makes it all so difficult. It’s even worse when you never saw it coming. Break-up? Is that a joke? Realistically how do you NOT lose your shit when you are blind sighted. Without any sign’s how the hell are you supposed to end up at the same destination? One person ends up in Bali and the other ends up in fucking Pacoima. Being around people that love you is one of the most effective pain relievers. Trust me. Allow yourself 3 days to bask in your own misery then it’s time to get it together. Fluff your hair, finally take a shower, throw out your empty alcohol bottles and try to focus on the most important relationship, the one you have with yourself. Obviously this is easier said than done. Sure, you will still want to cry at every song on the radio and want to run over every couple walking along the street but that is inevitable. Break ups suck but with time everything gets better. It’s really not you, it’s them. Slightly delusional but hell, it feels better then thinking it’s you (and it’s probably them).

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