I have always been someone that LOVES my birthday. A typical Leo, it’s the only day of the year that I can not have my balls busted for making everything all about me and I really relish in that. This year was a 180 from the norm and I was completely uninterested, unexcited and unbelievably low key about my day of birth. I didn’t make hourly costume changes, didn’t wear a tiara in public and didn’t even care about GIFTS! Who the hell am I? Is that maturity or a total quarter life crisis? I am still figuring it out. Anyways, this past weekend I celebrated my birthday and was less than pleased with my first birthday “surprise”.
My boyfriend and I had braved LA rush hour to go to my parent’s house for a family birthday dinner. As you may have previously read (Haute Mess Mental Case), I have a MASSIVE phobia of birds. Not in a funny, light headed way. Like an ACTUAL phobia, you couldn’t pay me $100,00 to be in an enclosed space of any square footage with a pigeon. Ever. When we finally arrived, I hopped in the shower put my comfy clothes on and decided to kick of the festivities with a tried and true dirty martini. As I started to jiggy my happy juice, I saw something fluttering in the entrance of my parents house. I thought the long car ride was making me hallucinate until I looked up and saw the worst possible creature hovering above. A MOTHER FUCKING BAT. My boyfriend documented the traumatic experience. If I didn’t need meds before this weekend I definitely will now…
Firstly, this is my second encounter with a bat (I had a bat in my freshman dorm room). Secondly, I didn’t even know bats were a real thing – I thought they were fictitious creatures like a gremlin or werewolf. Thirdly, are you FUCKING kidding me. Shout out to my father for showcasing his Jewishness by trying to fight a bat with a pool net. And special thanks to Bunny Schimmel (our dog) for lightening the mood of the footage with a jailbreak (she is scared of bats too apparently).