Okay I know this may seem very redundant. But I am happy and proud to say I never fucking liked Miley Cyrus. Ever. Last night she performed at the VMA’s and I have never felt such sever secondhand embarrassment. So la da di da di, Miley SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN. First of all, what the fuck was with the double buns on top of her head. No Miley, NO. From there it just got progressively worse. The “twerking” (I don’t even really know what twerking is) the facial expressions, the gyrating. Oy vey. I feel like I need to make an appointment with Planned Parenthood just WATCHIING that train wreck. Am I out of the loop for not understanding the whole teddy bear thing? Is it supposed to be weird and ironic? My personal highlight of the performance was the shot of Tish Cyrus, Miley’s well guiding mother, as she stood up and applauded her daughter’s display of EW. Talk about delusional. Dina Lohan called and wants her mother of the year award back Tish. I really want to have a sit down with Miley and give her some pointers to get her back on track. Start small with something like, you know, buy some real clothing. Or stop pretending you are some hoodrat from Inglewood, you were Hannah Montana. Stop sticking your tongue out. Maybe just stop talking all together for a while. Remind yourself you are engaged to Liam mother fucking Hemsworth and he is a saint to stay associated with you. And Miley, even though you “can’t stop” and you “won’t stop” PLEASE for the sake of everyone just STOP. I am exhausted.
Also as a side note, people try and compare Justin Timberlake and Robin Thicke’s and after last night I think it is blatantly clear that Robin Thicke is NOT and never will be Justin Timberlake (I am obsessed with JT). I love me some R Thicke but that was just stupid. You have a wife, Miley is 20, your striped suit is gross and your father was on Growing Pains. That performance was so not “about that life” and you both did not “own the night”. Get it together.