Rupaul is my Bitch

If you are yet to be informed of my childhood Caucasian identity crisis please reference Haute Mess Halfrican. After my brief Kindergarten fling with one hunky chocolate man (MLK), my deep love for the African American manifested in all aspects of my life. Most little girls wanted to be Barbie or various Disney princesses. I wanted to be RuPaul… to clarify I was blissfully unaware of “her” male genitalia. To me she was such a majestic woman. I was in awe of her glamorous gowns, sky high (tranny) heels, abundant accessories, chocolate skin and platinum blonde hair. Lez be honest, it’s not everyday you see that kind of aesthetic. Especially in first grade. You may wonder how a 6 year old would even know who RuPaul was? I have often asked myself the same thing. My deep admiration from RuPaul stems from a little movie called “To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar” Longest. Fucking. Title. Ever. My perfect Grandma Gloria made the excellent judgement call of taking me to see this movie at the fresh age of 6.

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In “To Wong Foo” 3 New York City drag queens travel cross country to Los Angeles for some life changing  drag pageant. Mid trip their car breaks down in a middle America/red state/hickville and the “ladies” must tuck in their penises and spread fabulousness to the tragic town. How did this movie not get a best picture nom? Hollywood Foreign Press, you really missed the boat on this one. Anyways, RuPaul plays the ultimate reigning Drag Queen and that is how I became obsessed with her. Normal. Many people have questioned this weird infatuation I have/had with Ru so last night I called my mother to get her parental and psychological opinion on the matter.

If you have yet to see this movie, please go watch it. You’re welcome ahead of time. Here are some of my favorite quotes from this masterpiece of a movie…

“I’m the Latina Marilyn Monroe. I’ve got more legs than a bucket of chicken!”
“If you want to let them know that there is steak for dinner, you got to let them hear it sizzle!”
“I want you to believe in yourself, imagine good things, and moisturize.”
“I think tomorrow is a ‘Say Something’ hat day.”

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Jackie Schimmel

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