Bitch on a Budge – Fall Fashion

Fuck I love an alliteration. Yesterday was a rare occurrence in the sunny city of Los Angeles. Not only did it dip below 65 degrees (get out your parkas ladies) it also RAINED. Not ideal for my fresh blow dry – so irritating. Let me be clear on something – I am a total sun girl. I am extremely effected by less than stellar weather conditions. When it is foggy, I become foggy. When it is sunny and warm, I become sunny and warm. And I go fucking bananas for the Santa Ana’s (sorry I had to) no but for real – I love the Santa Ana winds. They permit for such amazing hair weather. I have never been a person who loses my shit for fall layering. After all, sequins do not layer well. When I envision myself in my element I imagine me in a breezy floor length caftan (preferably Missoni – maybe Pucci) lounging on a white chaise lounge poolside (an infinity pool) with wristfulls of various gold Kim Zolciak inspired diamond bangles amongst other bling accessories while I sip on a fresh vodka mojito. Ahhhhh yes. I know that sounds really fucked up. Whatever, a girl should have goals right?

Anyways, yesterday as the suddenly cold and rainy weather surprised me, so did my urge to run home and bust out my cold weather clothes. I was so pissed I didn’t check my handy weather app and may have missed the opportunity to channel my inner J.LO. I was practically speed racing home to switch up my outfit. Since I tend to be bias to warm weather, I decided to explore the many pros of a colder climate and fashion options that accompany. Here are some of my favorite fashion perks for braving the cold AND some extremely affordable options because I love you.

OVER THE KNEE BOOTS – Look I don’t want to sound like a fucking Kardashian but I have always been obsessed with OTK boots. They are so much more glam than knee height. I have planning to pull a Winona at Saks for the Giuseppe Zanotti thigh highs but can’t afford to have any legal woes before my Haute Mess Handbook comes out. They are so gorgeous with just the perfect hint of high class hooker – which is what a Haute Mess loves.boots

LEATHER – like butta. I LOVE leather, I pretty much wear it year round but my lust for leather really gets the attention it deserves during Fall and Winter. Leather jackets, leather tops, leather skirts, leather shorts, leather pants. You can wear leather pants with a plain janky ass “Hanes Her Way” sleep shirt and you instantly look like Sienna fucking Miller. Leather makes you look so much cooler than any other fabric. Since I am in the constant pursuit of upping my cool factor. Leather is a big deal for me.

leather

FUR (Faux – get off my balls Peta) – If I could pull off a floor length Chinchilla I WOULD. I always feel very Growing up Gotti in a fur. I am not super into a cropped fur because it automatically makes me feel like I am attending the Posche fashion show at the Brownstone and insisting “My home is not in foreclosure BITCH.” Then I think of Ashlee Holmes and I get sad… Love and light bitch. (for anyone living under a rock this is a RHONJ reference)FUR

HATS – My jew do does not hold up well in cold weather. Moisture is my enemy, and when rain comes I develop serious hattitude. Anything I can do to hide the beast growing from my scalp is a definitine DO. Could you just die from that sequined beanie?! #purchasedhats

Tights – If you are like me, any excuse to avoid wearing pants is preferred. Tights make it so easy to transition your Summer dresses into Fall/Winter outfits.

tights

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