“Dick Pic” Ponderings

In the history of romance it’s hard to imagine a “dick pic” could be a primary factor in everlasting love and intimacy. Although it would be fun to imagine Romeo snap-chatting a shot of his scrotum to Juliet or in “The Notebook” all of Noah’s 365 letters to Allie were various pics of his shmeckle it seems highly unlikely… I slightly wish that scenario was true because I would have a lot more respect for Nicholas Sparks #obvi. Nowadays many say sextual chemistry is critical to sustaining intrigue with your partner and ESPECIALLY crucial during the first stages of dating. To be clear, I would rather receive an Amber Alert text involving a close friend or relative then be sent a picture of a love interests genitalia. I think it takes a real sick fucker to prep themselves, arrange proper lighting and then go all Anne Leibowitz on their private parts. I am talking to you Anthony Weiner – you little troll. Vanessa Hudgens also comes to mind while I sip my dirty martini and write this incredibly intellectual piece of literature on explicit texting. She was a Disney Darling who sent nude pics to her former boo thang during the height of her popularity, consequently her significant other leaked these photos (#bush) and created a media cluster fuck. Many think this would have advanced her career which clearly was not the case considering she is now really only famous for going to Coachella.

I should be clear that sending a few suggestive text message versus sending explicit photos of yourself are not equal offenses. The texts I send to my significant other are only limited to grocery lists and excessive photos of my dog so perhaps I am not the right person to be making judgements on this matter but hey, I am low on material. Last weekend while at lunch with my girlfriends I asked the naturally appropriate question on how many had received a dick pic and was shocked when every person at the table raised their hand… except me. What the fuck? Is this modern day flirting? When did this become socially acceptable? Is this even fucking legal? EW.

giphy

I have thought long and hard about the importance of textual chemistry and its role in a healthy relationship. I am no Polyanna Purebred but I feel that how we communicate via text has to have very minimal effects on long term compatibility. The beauty of texting is that we can write, revise, edit, delete, proofread and finalize what dialogue we exchange… so really, how authentic can we be? In a dream world, I would love to be able to rewind, re-explain and re-articulate 96% of the in-the-flesh conversations I have. Unfortunately what we say face to face holds us accountable for what comes out of our mouth and can really only be reversed by actions. They say a photo is worth a thousand words but when a dick pic comes into play the only words that come to my mind are ; Megan’s Law, Unemployment and Delete.

#sorrymomanddad

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7 comments

  1. I quit sending pics of myself when that uncompromising picture of myself and a mop handle were leaked…
    …it is not something I am proud of, but it is a reminder that pixel sizes can really zero in on miniscule items and details.

    On a serious note, posting on Craigslist is directly proportional to the number of dick pics you receive and, oddly enough, inversely related to the number of vadge pics you get (usually lying about love helps out with that).

    1. OY VEY! I didn’t even factor craigslist into this post. I have never been a sender or receiver but have been forwarded many a pic from my slutty friends and am totally amused

      1. Although I’m sure it’s not your concern, I’m not so sure amusement will do thy “mighty sword” any encouragement… 😉

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