My First Dick Pic

This morning I headed to my local health food store in pursuit of the perfect organic laxatives. As I browsed the aisles I found a “healthy” looking woman milling around the same section, we immediately were kindred constipated spirits… I could just see it in her eyes. I flashed her a knowing smile that said “We will get through this, the prune juice is on aisle 3” non-verbally obvs. She smiled back and said “You know you look exactly like that celebrity… oh goodness what’s her name!” As she reached for the name I offered a few suggestions “Beyonce? Gisele? Blake?” “Oh I know who!!!! Julia Stiles” How is anybody supposed to act like that is a fucking compliment, I could have killed that backed up bitch. JULIA STILES?! I would rather she said I looked like Chaz Bono mid sex-change. Needless to say, my day wasn’t off to a great start. Then I got home and this happened….

And in cases you bitches were not privy to my little Julia Stiles joke at the end, this is what I was referring to.

save-the-last-dance

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5 thoughts on “My First Dick Pic

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