Honesty is The Best Policy

I would like to say I was on a luxurious weekender or am slammed writing my first novel for Simon & Schuster but that would be a convenient lie. The truth is, my brain has gone totally fried. I have spent hours trying to come up with something quippy and entertaining to post for my bitches and I am in a cerebral drought. Some lines I have jotted down in my ratchet bedside composition book the past few days include;

“Blame The Bro Not the Hoe!”

“There are a lot of things females do to make us look bad as a breed.                                                 Acrylic nails, poolside heels, Bebe tracksuits and white sunglasses to name a few.”

“I just bought the Taylor Swift CD and it immediately prompted an early menstrual cycle.                        SO MUCH ESTROGEN.”

“I hate when people try and over intellectualize really basic shit…                                                           even though that is huge premise of this fucking blog.”

“I can’t wait for Blue Ivy to kick North West’s ass.”

“Last night I was caught in a BAHHHHHD romance. Ra ra ah ah ah.” (this was about having some bad Lamb last week on date night… yes I realize a lamb doesn’t bah… #lowonmaterial)

“If he wears an anklet, he probably likes to tickle the pickle!”

As you can probably tell… things aren’t going great over here in the Bitch Thinking Factory. Tonight  I vouch to have a stiff libation, put on my good luck terry robe and let the creative juices flow (ew). In the interim, please send suggestions or articles I can plagiarize.

Kisses,

Jackie

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3 comments

  1. Here’s a few ideas:
    -Does Dina from RHONJ even know what “Namaste” means…? (Or would that fall into the “overintellectualizing” category?)
    -Those pickle-ticklers that won’t be caught dead wearing an anklet
    -Witnessing a sunrise that makes you realize you have way too many responsibilites to be awake that early.
    -Anyone else think Andy Cohen is a Sadist?
    -Does it have to be Blue Ivy that kicks North West’s ass, or does a number have to be taken?

    I dunno…just some thoughts that popped into my mind, and I’ll gladly post more if I can think of any.

  2. Heeeyyy,

    So, I STILL think Halloween is a good topic! Costumes, drinks , parties , in to it or not?? Well, here’s another. Try this on…. Bethenny being back on RHONY!!! Who will be gone? I realize you have a Ramona Bona, but I think she is played o u t !! That’s it for now, btw I like the topics you mention from your raggedy composition book…really! You can’t lose, you’re always hilarious! A real funny bitch! XXOO BETH

    >

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