I like to consider myself both a pioneer woman and a philanthropist. I will attend almost any charity event if there is an open bar and/or a waitstaff distributing appetizers. Eight out of ten times I will even throw a Benjamin into the optional donation box (and by Benjamin I mean George…Maybe Abraham). But hey, ballin’ ain’t easy.
My preferred contribution to society is my gift of written word, consistent updates re: my digestive system and modeling daytime sequins. My latest philanthropic work is The Selfie Project. In the past year, selfies have taken over my heart, my newsfeed and my serotonin levels. No street corner, social gathering or public bathroom is safe. Nothing says low point like waiting patiently to wash your hands in an El Pollo Loco bathroom while the Chiquita in front of you is waiting for her cheek piercing to twinkle in the fluorescent lighting for the perfect post tacos al carbon selfie. Because I am a narcissist, I was convinced she was trying to snap a picture of me but oh no … this was a definite solo shoot. Who doesn’t feel sexy after low budget fast food made by someone featured on Megan’s Law? #nofilter #nomz
There are 2 types of selfies.
The first is obvious; a photo you take of yourself. Fucking duh.
The second type of selfie is a posed photo you have your fat friend take so it seems “candid.” I recently left the safety of my apartment and decided to venture out for a night on the town. It was that night where I was exposed to the “semi-selfie.”
Lipgloss is applied, hair is fluffed and the setting assigned. Then, the culprit finds a willing soul to assume the role of Mario Testino and capture your free spirited (yet perfectly posed) arms up dancing that you have been practicing for in the mirror for months #justdance. Here is an example of the semi-selfie for those who are a few chromosomes short (a video of people posing for semi-selfies while unknowingly being filmed #indie) …
My blatant humanitarianism has manifested into The Selfie Project “Capturing others, capturing themselves.” This movement was birthed after my friend Charlotte and I discussed the emotional turmoil this has caused within us and so many others. When will this selfie brigade stop? Enough is enough.
I blame Kim Kardashian… for pretty much everything in life. She obviously brought Ebola over to the states. Or maybe it was Kylie? I don’t know I can’t deal with semantics. In fact, I don’t even know what the word semantics means and I can live with that.
So whether you extend that arm and capture your own duck face or recruit a lone ranger at the bar to snap a pic of your head tilt, popped clavicle while you pretend to drink straight from the bottle cause you’re so WiLd aNd FrEe with your besties– just know that I am watching and judging you. And photographing you. Please use #theselfieproject to spread awareness and bring light to this embarrassing and violating habit sweeping the nation.
#blurredlines #whiskey #saturdaze #moonchild #tinydancer #glam #redlips #welivefortheweekend #livefreedieyoung #redbottoms #vivaluxe #vino #LAnights #cantstopwontstop #STOPIT.