Oh em gee. This is the longest I have gone without posting. I am sorry for going MIA but I am being basic as fuck and enjoying this lovely holiday season. I feel like I have become wildly basic in the past couple of weeks and I am not proud. By 2015 I may be driving a white Jetta, wearing a Michael Kors watch, upgrading my Emoji selections and binge watching Pretty Little Liars with a froyo. Just kidding, that’s disgusting.
I’ve taken this time off to roast chestnuts by the open fire, drink eggnog and contemplate the age old question, was Mary really a virgin or just hit the Jesus juice too hard one night, fucked a sheep herder, rode a camel back to her pad and figured it would be a better story to say God knocked her up? Who could blame her? I’d do the same fucking thing. Although I’d rather have the illegitimate father of my bastard be more financially stable but I digress.
Currently I am in San Francisco on vacation and enjoying the sights and plentiful Asians. I will be back and bitchier than ever next week, until then follow me on my pursuit of holiday cheer on Twitter and Instagram @jackieschimmel (I lost 800 followers and this bitch is THIRSTY)
Tag me, tweet me if you wanna reach me bitches. Yes that was a Kim Possible reference and yes I am embarrassed.