THAT FUCKING DRESS…

Here is my truth, I don’t care if that fucking dress is white, gold, black, blue or made of human flesh. I understand that my cynicism seems unwarranted since I am someone who makes my livelihood through public forums. My issue with this dress is not it’s color but more so it’s polyester Herve Leger knockoff design that is almost 3 years off trend and could be found on the sale rack at Bebe.

Perhaps I am just a bitter little troll, pissed that none of my content has even become 1/10 as viral as this dress debacle. I don’t care if Moses reincarnated and told me the dress is magenta and chartreuse… in the viral photo all I see is a white and gold dissapointment. I have spent many a lonely night adjusting the saturation of a potential Instagram picture to make me look ethnically tan… but at the end of the day I am just a pastey Jew-bitch who relies on bronzer and a good filter.

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Before you send me a Huffington Post article criticizing the strength of my retinas, ask yourself “who honestly gives a fuck?” I have housewives to watch, a carton of mint chip ice cream to molest and about 3 days of undigested food to weather.

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5 thoughts on “THAT FUCKING DRESS…

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