The Fault In Our (Reality) Stars

A side ponied Lauren Conrad once prolifically stated, “I want to forgive you and I want to forget you.” Most of my life lessons were acquired through reality television, particularly from “The Hills.” For example: don’t bang a guy with two first names #justinbobby, buy waterproof mascara, and ALWAYS CHOOSE PARIS OVER THAT FUCKHEAD JASON.

One thing LC and I never saw eye to eye on was the moronic idea of forgiveness. Although I greatly admire her career longevity and polyblend dresses at Kohls, I think it is better to embrace the fairness in non-forgiveness, then to reprieve disingenuously. SO MANY BIG WORDS.

Why does a bitch need to forgive in order to move on? I personally blame Lauren Conrad and pseudo religious bullshit. We are barraged with the idea that one MUST forgive in order to truly move on. Last time I checked, someone else’s feelings on forgiveness shouldn’t define your internal feelings and how you choose to resolve them. All I’m saying is if somebody stabbed and ate my dog, I would never forgive them. Like ever. And that shouldn’t make ME the bad person. Right?

Some shit is just unforgiveable.  I think living in a world where forgiveness isn’t inevitable makes a bitch less prone to do something douchey in the first place. If I watch one more HLN murder case where the victim’s family “forgives” the murderer I am going to lose my shit. Forgiveness is a privilege that should be earned, no? While searching for articles to plagiarize, I found the below bible quote…

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Forgive me for what?  I never shoplifted a sheep from Noah’s Ark or stole Mary Magdalene’s morning after pills. Essentially we are only taught to forgive out of obedience and this homegirl ain’t down. Fuck, I can be so deep when I put my mind and my liquor to it. Don’t say sorry if you don’t mean it, don’t forgive someone if you don’t mean it and please don’t ever spend $450 on a Paper Crown dress.


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