Dear DJ James Kennedy (Part Duex)

Dear DJ James Kennedy,

Hey girl… it’s me, Jackie. Again. Hope you’re doing well. Just kidding, you are literally the worst. Before I begin my second attempt at contact, I would like to clarify that your hAtErZ are not your MoTivaTeRz because you are a fucking busboy at Sur. Also if you are reading this and telling yourself that shit like this makes you relevant, please know it doesn’t… I am simply low on material and love an easy target that is not intelligent enough to defend themselves and proudly displays their douche-ness to an extent that I am able to comment on it without repercussions.

As a journalist I find it my civil duty to make contact with you. Like Carrie Mathison risked her and Brody’s livelihood by hunting Abu Nazir and Diane Sawyer ventured to the Middle East for a nationally publicized sit down with Sadam Hussein, I too am reaching out to sit down face to face and go over some of your questionable behavior. My problem is not the fact that you dress like Kate Moss, think you are headlining Coachella (#saharatent) because you can make playlists on Spotify OR the derogatory way you speak to and about women. It’s your inability to acknowledge what an asshole you are. Perspective is everything… did I just give you your album name?

From one slender physiqued young lady to another, help me, help you, help myself, help the world, you’re the help. You is not kind, you is not smart, you is not important. I wish Octavia Spencer delivered a shit pie to your shared apartment. When you told Lisa that you are responsible for her burgeoning business at Pump, I almost vomited. Just because you have a free 30-day trial of Garage Band, a disappointing H&M blazer and a Yelp profile does not mean you are Calvin Harris. “You can read the yelp reviews, they are waiting for a cd.” I literally want to get this tattooed on my forehead. And then stab myself in the forehead.

I understand that you were probably very perplexed upon learning that you inadvertently ate another mans ass… the true shame is that he was a football player and not LA Reid or someone that could get you an internship at a record label. Music executives need their dishes cleaned too, share your gifts James.

Sometimes I think I am being too hard on you James. But then you start speaking and I feel complete permission and validation in my words. Please know you have an invitation to discuss our issues face to face perhaps over some mini bottles of Seagrams. Dance like no ones watching, rap like no ones listening and eat ass like you have never been hurt.

Love always,

Jackie

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10 thoughts on “Dear DJ James Kennedy (Part Duex)

  1. loli3 says:

    I do not agree with everything you say but James is clearly an abusive person. The way he spoke to his boss was delusional, and I’m surprised she took it. She may have felt like she had since Ken invested in Max and James. The way he speaks to Lala is offed up, too. If he were just an angry spice, ok, but the types of things he has said to KD, his boss and other people on the show is disrespectful at least and abusive at the worst. It’s beyond FU. He has deep rooted issues and an alcohol problem as well. Another obvious issue is that he frequently gets into other people’s space. That is a scary place to be if he invades the wrong person. It really shows a serious lack of boundaries and makes people feel entrapped. I’ve seen it on the show several times. What does he do when there are no cameras? I’ve been on the other end of that and I know what happens and its not good.

  2. Rachael says:

    I love your letters to James Kennedy. And man I wish I had his prepubescent ballerina body, I would have an extra hour of my life to do nothing instead of trying not to vomit during orange theory. So I can look good in skinny jeans. Why do the most evil people have the best bods?

  3. Cait says:

    i concur.

    ps his mom wants him to do calvin klein ? pretty sure she gorgonzola’d in her panties a little when she said that. fucking disgusting.

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